Domestic violence is one of the most common forms of abuse experienced among women worldwide. According to a National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS), around 41% of women in the U.S. experienced sexual violence, physical violence, or stalking by their romantic partner at some point in their lives. More than 61 million women have been subjected to psychological aggression by their significant other.
It’s safe to say that the female population is dealing with abuse way more than men. The research and studies, backed by statistical data from well-established educational institutions and organizations, strongly support this point.
Despite the awareness and educational efforts on domestic violence, it still remains a prevalent issue that requires the involvement of a third party to help the victim.
Certain signs are telltale giveaways of domestic abuse. Some of them can be loud and clear, while others are passive and may even go unnoticed by the victim. Let’s delve deeper into that.
What Exactly Is Domestic Violence?
As stated by the Harvard University Police Department, “Domestic violence is any of the following behaviors: physical, sexual, economic and emotional abuse, alone or in combination, by an intimate partner often for the purpose of establishing or maintaining power and control over the other partner.”
Often hidden behind closed doors, domestic violence can escalate with time, putting victims’ physical and mental health at risk. It’s also usually repeated, meaning that there’s a very low chance that it can only happen once. Abusers, as a rule, become more aggressive and open in the long run, making their victims more scared to turn to someone for help. Unfortunately, in some instances, it’s even too late. As reported by UN Women, every 10 minutes, a woman or a girl is killed by an intimate partner or a family member.
7 Most Common Signs of Domestic Violence
• Physical Injuries
These are often the most prevalent and dangerous. They involve bruises, burns, fractures, or everything at once. Abusers usually inflict physical injuries in hidden places to make sure others don’t see them. Upper arms and shoulders, neck and collarbone area, lower abdomen, and thighs and hips, among others, are the common hidden places where physical injuries may appear.
The truth is, abusers come from all walks of life, but they aren’t always open about their bad temper, which is why their acquaintances often see them as charming and polite.
• Emotional Withdrawal
Women experiencing domestic abuse may become withdrawn or emotionally distant from their relatives and friends, especially if they try to portray their marriage as stable and happy. Many do this out of shame, while others don’t want to disappoint their loved ones.
This isolation often makes it harder for women to reach out for support, especially if they have no one to rely on, such as close friends or family.
• Constantly Checking in With The Partner
When a woman always asks her husband or boyfriend for an opinion, even in situations where she could easily decide for herself, it’s a red flag. While some do this because they value their partner’s opinions, others are fearful because one wrong decision might lead to domestic abuse.
In abusive relationships, the victim becomes conditioned to seek the abuser’s approval on almost anything. This is the form of control applied by abusers in order to make the victim codependent.
• Financial Abuse
When a relationship or marriage is abusive, there’s often only one person who’s allowed to be financially independent — an abuser. To control or manipulate the victim, they may prevent her from working, monitor her income, forbid her to make financial decisions, or run up debt in her name.
In some cases, women experience financial abuse right after giving birth, as they get even more vulnerable and seek to protect their child. Navigating financial anxiety in the postpartum period is already hard as it is, let alone dealing with an abusive husband at the same time.
• “Love Bombing” After Being Violent
This is a form of abuse that makes victims feel uncertain or confused, as the violent action is quickly replaced with care and support. When the abuser is physically or emotionally violent, but then follows it up with apologies, affection, or gifts, it creates a confusing trauma bond. Some women may even question their own judgment and consider it normal behavior from their partner.
While in some relationships abuse doesn’t get succeeded by “love bombing”, abusers who do this use it to create an emotional hook and make the victim doubt herself.
“The cycle of abuse consists of four phases: tension-building, incident, reconciliation, and calm. This pattern often traps victims in a psychological cycle that's difficult to break,” says Lenore E. Walker, an American psychologist, in her book “The Battered Woman”.
• Not Taking “No” for an Answer
Two people in a relationship or marriage are equal partners who should respect each other’s boundaries and opinions on practically all matters. Abusers, however, act like the rules don’t apply to them.
In many instances, negative answers from victims don’t mean anything to aggressors. And the reason is simple — they seek control and manipulate the target to get what they want, regardless of whether the person being oppressed wants it or not.
This usually concerns household matters, spending and finances, social life, and sexual intimacy.
• The Victim Is Always to Blame
Abusers, particularly narcissists, shift the blame onto the victim to avoid accountability or out of certainty that they know better.
Among the common things a victim can hear from them are:
- “If you hadn’t said that, I wouldn’t have hit you”.
- “You always make me angry. You're the problem, not me”.
- “You’re too sensitive. I was just joking”.
- “You provoked me. What did you expect?”
- “She’s so controlling. I’m the one suffering here”.
It doesn’t matter what the victim does, it’s always her fault and never the abuser’s. This twisted mindset is a tactic domestic abusers use to manipulate the victim.
Let’s Sum Up
Millions of women in the world face domestic violence from their partners, fathers, brothers, or other men they know. While the type of violence depends on the population and context, violence by intimate partners is more commonly reported among women.
Certain signs, such as physical injuries, emotional withdrawal, constantly checking in with the partner, financial abuse, “love bombing” after being violent, not taking “no” for answer, and shifting the blame onto the victim no matter what aren’t all but are some of the most common signs of domestic violence among the female population.
If you’re a victim of domestic violence, below are the resources you can turn to for help. (U.S.-based)
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National Domestic Violence Hotline
Phone: 1-800-799-7233
Website: thehotline.org
Available 24/7 for confidential support, safety planning, and resources.
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National Sexual Assault Hotline
Phone: 1-800-656-4673
Website: rainn.org
Support for sexual violence survivors.
